At what point in a friendship should you call it quits? How many times should you allow a friend to hurt your feelings? And if a friend continues to make the same mistakes, are they truly a friend at all? My friendship with someone I have been friends with since the 8th grade has, admittedly, been quite a struggle throughout the years. You would likely get an entirely different story if you asked her, however. To put it concisely, she is my friend when it is convenient for her. She will adamantly deny this claim, but it is true. Any period of time she was without a boyfriend we were inseparable. A boyfriend enters the picture and I'm relegated to the sidelines. Now I suppose in middle school and high school this sort of thing is to be expected. A boyfriend is such an exciting experience to have as a teenager I'm sure (I wouldn't know; I never had a boyfriend in high school). But now that we've turned 30, it seems so immature and slight. You can not preach to your friend how important she is to you and how much you love and treasure her, but treat her like she isn't important. Actions speak louder than words.
So, do I give up one of the few friendships I have because I only get what I need out of the relationship when it is convenient for her, or do I stick around and take what I can get? This is my dilemma. Earlier today I was ready to end it: write her a "throw down" email and tell her exactly how I feel; tell her I'm done being her "spare time" friend. But I didn't write the email. It's hard to end a relationship. And I keep thinking that if I talk to her about it "one more time" she will get it. I have a feeling I'm just postponing the inevitable.
3 comments:
That's a hard predicament. I'm not sure who your friend is, but if you want to talk. . .I'm always here. Not that I'm the best example right now of how to nurture a friendship because I feel that everything has been thrown to the sidelines since Olivia and Logan were born. Sometimes it's hard just to get myself through the day, but I'm sure it will get better.
I ended a friendship with someone about 8 years ago and she moved away, etc. I have always regretted it, but at the time it seemed best for both of us. You can't continue hurting each other. Anyway, I hope the two of you work it out in a way that benefits you both.
K-Dub, I'm dying of curiosity, who are you writing about? I think I know. . . I wish I lived by you so we could go out and you could tell me alllll about it.
End of May. It's Happening. Can't Wait. Me + you = yes.
you should come to minnesota--I'll launch a campaign to persuade you.
I love you, KP
I think you guys need to have a final heart-to-heart about what you define as a friend.
I defined it as the person who is there through good times, bad times, life changes, geography.
Consequently I dumped the "friends" who ignored me when I moved an hour away or when my dad died.
My best friend has been there for 28 years. I'm married with kids, she's not, I have only moved twice, she has moved about 6 times, I have a close family, she does not. We are different in every way, except we ALWAYS make time in a week to let each other know that we love each other.
You and your friend might decide that you don't have the same definition. If that is the case, try to part on good terms. Don't close the door forever. Someday you might have the same definition of friend.
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