Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Conversation with Olivia


Me: So, Olivia. What do you want to do while Mommy's at the doctor's?

Olivia: adadada adadada


Me: Okay. That's sounds nice. But maybe we should do something productive. Like, laundry or something.

Olivia: brrrrrrr adadada


Me: Well, look. Walking around all day and playing is fun, but we really should think of something that will help your mommy out. What do you say?

Olivia:

Me: Okay. Okay. We'll play instead.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Vote for DeFlocked


Jeff Corriveau emailed me the other day (and I just now checked my email, crap!). Apparently he was checking out Wichita blogs and thought mine was funny! Oh.my.gosh. I'm blushing. Okay, I mean, sure, he probably says that to all the blogs. He lives in California and has written material for Saturday Night Live and Jay Leno. Anyway, his comic strip DeFlocked is being considered for The Eagle's comics section, and he wanted to see if I would vote for his strip (you know, since I'm so important and all). I checked out his site, and I really like his sense of humor. I voted for him like 1200 times. It only takes a second to do (just fill out your name and then scroll down to his strip and vote yes) if you're so inclined. Just go here. DeFlocked is the second strip in the second section. Do it people! I said so! (Sorry, Jeff. I only have about three two readers. I think they'll vote for you though!)

October 27, 2008


Jodi and Olivia came to visit yesterday afternoon. My mom hadn't met her yet so she was pretty excited. Olivia showed off her new moves (standing and walking with some assistance). She made herself right at home, walking up and down the hall and to the back door to stare at the dogs (who were made to stay outside the ENTIRE time, oh the cruelty).

I spent the afternoon with Jodi and Olivia today to help out at Olivia's doctor's appointment (hey, someone has to be in charge of pushing dirty elevator buttons and opening grimy door handles). Check out Jodi's post about the appointment. I know Jodi is stressed because Olivia is a little delayed in her fine motor skills. However, I think with a little extra help, Olivia will do just fine. She's super smart and very determined! And she's definitely chill, yo.

What up dawg?

Not Me! Monday



Wow. It's already Monday again? How does that happen? And, wait a minute. Where did my weekend go??? Stupid Monday.

Okay, so here goes my second week of confessions of things that I would never do. These are just things I didn't do, but maybe could have in theory. Head on over to MckMama's blog to see all the other blogs' Not Me! lists.

I did not eat an entire bag of cinnamon bears yesterday nor did I eat a double brownie fudge sundae from Braum's with peanut butter sauce AND hot fudge sauce. I have way more self control than that.

I also did not let work pile up on my desk again this week because I'd rather stare at the wall in my office all day than get any work done. I mean, wouldn't that be silly? Create more work for myself later instead of just getting it done now? That would be totally unlike me.

Oh, and I most certainly did not forget to mail my cousin's birthday card. I'm always very prompt about that kind of thing. Although if I did forget, she probably wouldn't care. She's 31 today, and we all know memory is the first thing to go!

I did not purposely stop taking my anti-depressant for the last two weeks to see if I needed them anymore. And, I did not immediately start taking them again after bursting into tears on Saturday for no good reason.

Hmm...I can't seem to think of anything else. Probably because I'm so excited to get back to work! I'll add some more later if I think of anything. Over and out.

Okay, and I definitely didn't waste the entire morning at work waiting for 12:00 to come so I could leave work to hang out with Jodi and Olivia.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Demise of a Halloween Pumpkin


Once upon a time there were two happy, healthy Halloween pumpkins. Although they were content spending their days with the other pumpkins, they dreamed of having a face and a porch of their own. They were thrilled when two humans happened upon them and decided to give them faces. The humans lovingly carved the pumpkins, whereby "lovingly" means the humans derived pleasure from chopping, slashing and slicing into them and pulling out their guts.



The two pumpkins, with their new-found faces, spent their days enjoying the simple life: hanging out on the porch, conversing with the hostas and watching the sun set (which really means that they just sat on the porch inanimately). Until one day when the two pumpkins realized, to their horror, that the very faces they had coveted would be their downfall. Slowly, but surely, malevolent beings were attacking their vulnerable faces and stealing all of their mojo, where "malevolent beings" means bacteria, fungi and other microorganisms and "mojo" means stored carbon dioxide, nitrogen, water and other essential compounds.



The pumpkins began to feel very ill and started to lose their youthful good looks.


Despite a few days of heroic efforts to overcome their slayers (where "slayers" means mold and decomposition), the unfortunate pumpkins passed on to that great Pumpkin Heaven in the Sky (which looks amazingly similar to the dumpster in the backyard).


It seemed as though the forces of evil had once again won the battle against the Halloween Pumpkins...or did they?



Thursday, October 23, 2008

101 Things I Bet You Never Cared to Know About Me

I'm not going to put too much thought into this. I think I'll just see what pops into my head at any given moment. Of course, since only my mom reads this blog, none of these random tidbits about myself will come as much of a surprise. Well, maybe a few...

1. My dog Bailey is the cutest, smartest, best(est) dog in the world. Okay, in my world at least. Although she does have her issues, like being a jerk on a leash, barking her face off at times (literally, her face.falls.off) and has the most foul-smelling dog farts in the history of the world (at least it doesn't happen often). I still think she's awesome.
2. My middle name is Ann (so is my mom's).
3. I have one sibling: an older brother named Josh, who lives in Omaha and lives in a really cool apartment building downtown.
4. I couldn't tell time on an analog clock (that's the ones with the arm-doo-hickey things) until at least high school. Okay, I could but it took much longer than it should have considering how smart I was in other things.
5. I'm left-handed (which, incidentally, means I'm cooler than 90-93% of the population).
6. I have a bachelor's degree in criminal justice (with minors in history and Spanish) and a master's degree in criminal justice. I was in school for far too long. The thought of going back and getting my ph.D. has crossed my mind, but then my other mind bitch-slapped me across the face.
7. I love sleeping. Getting up sucks.
8. I have to take medication for hypothyroidism for the rest of my life since my thyroid doesn't seem to like to work like it should. I blame weight gain on Mr. Thyroid. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am now a lazy-ass. And, regardless of the fact that I've been on medication for about three years now.
9. My favorite color is blue. Sometimes it's purple.
10. I'm a democrat and will be voting as such on November 4th. 'Nuf said.
11. I hate talking on the phone. I hate answering the phone. I hate thinking about the phone.
12. I love to eat.
13. I was previously in a relationship for six years, but he just wasn't the guy for me despite the fact that he was an awesome guy.
14. I have been to Europe four times. I want to go back so bad I can almost taste it. Well, if Europe had a taste.
15. I'm 5'8". And no, I won't tell you how much I weigh. That's between me and me.
16. I went skydiving in August 2008 and LOVED IT!
17. You're going to love this one: I was a cheerleader (and a damn good one) from the 8th grade until I graduated high school. And no, I wasn't a snob or a slut.
18. I can't spell the word esctacy ecstacy ecstasy. And before you start wondering why I have to spell that word, I use it a lot when writing reports about my clients' drug use history. I never get it right the first time.
19. I write too much. This post will take up so much space that I might crash the Internet.
20. I've had five pets in my life: Missy was my dog from the age of 4 to 18, Scooter was my first hamster who died when I was in the 8th grade, Honey was my second hamster who lived about two years, Maddie who is technically my parents' dog, but I still consider my dog, who is 10 years old and then Bailey, who will be 4 in January.
21. I have to push "snooze" on my alarm clock several times before I can get up.
22. I love roller coasters! There probably isn't a roller coaster on the planet that I wouldn't ride (with the proper maintenance and safety procedures in place).
23. I drink diet soda. You get used to the taste.
24. Scary movies scare the bejeesus out of me despite my best efforts to act otherwise.
25. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I like saying, "Watch out people! I have GAD!"
26. Needless to say, I'm not very social. I used to be. I'm not anymore.
27. I worked at Wendy's for 11 years. Yes. 11 years. I was a damn good manager too. The only explanation that I can give for working there so long (even after college) is that change causes me severe anxiety.
28. I've worked at my current job for 2 years. I'm a Court Services Officer for the Juvenile District Court. I conduct PreSentence Investigations for juvenile offenders.
29. My favorite fruit is probably strawberries.
30. I absolutely love to read. I don't understand people who never read books for pleasure.
31. I have five cousins. One much younger cousin on my mother's side and four cousins on my dad's side. All of us cousins on my dad's side have grown up very close, and I feel very fortunate for that.
32. I wear a size 8 shoe.
33. My cell phone plan is through T-Mobile (exciting tidbits about me, huh?).
34. I have unlimited text messages since that is my preferred mode of communication unless conversation is absolutely necessary.
35. I'm a grammar freak. I use correct grammar even whilst texting.
36. I've broken three fingers, but no other bones. The most recent broken finger (in which I will give you no details on how it was broken other than that I don't remember) was broken in January and, because it was on my left hand, never really healed right.
37. I no longer drink alcohol.
38. I have green eyes (some may say hazel) that tend to change colors depending on my mood or what I'm wearing.
39. I've been dating Andrew for almost six months, but we've liked each other for much longer.
40. I drive a 2000 Mercedes CLK430. I like it.
41. I have good vision--about 20/30 on a bad day, 20/20 on a good day.
42. Although I write left-handed, I swing a bat right-handed, use scissors right-handed, play tennis either-handed, serve a volleyball left-handed, bowl left-handed and punch holes in people with my left hand.
43. I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people.
44. My favorite kind of pizza is Freschetta pepperoni (it's a frozen pizza, but it sure is yummy).
45. I've probably seen Dirty Dancing, The Princess Bride, Robin Hood, Gladiator, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and the original Parent Trap a combined total of 5,672 times.
46. I've read all of the Harry Potter books at least twice and have yet to be corrupted by the Devil.
47. I have basically zero artistic ability.
48. All of my grandparents are living and healthy. Yay!!
49. I'm a very tolerant person. To each his own. Gay, straight, black, white, green, stupid... Wait. I draw the line at stupid.
50. My zodiac sign is Aquarius.
51. I have to dye my hair already. I got my first gray hair when I was about 16. Now if I don't dye it I have more gray hair than my mother who is 26 years older than me.
52. I have never been arrested.
53. I've never been to Disney World or Disneyland.
54. Really, really, really deep water causes me anxiety. Even watching a movie or TV that shows deep parts of the ocean freaks me out!
55. I wore braces for a couple of years as a teenager.
56. I don't like using wooden spoons.
57. My right foot is slightly larger than my left.
58. The only toothpaste I like to use is Cinnamon Crest.
59. I tend towards being a tad obsessive compulsive.
60. I love the smell of gasoline (who doesn't though, right?).
61. I don't write in cursive; I print.
62. I prefer being barefoot.
63. I hate my freckles.
64. I was just shy of a 4.0 in high school and graduated as Salutatorian. I got one B for a quarter of a credit in...Driver's Ed! I'm a good driver too, dammit!!!
65. I was just shy of a 4.0 in my undergraduate degree, but still graduated Summa Cum Laude. I got one B in English Lit. If I go into the details about this I might burst a blood vessel in my brain, so I won't. Go into the details, that is.
66. I finally got a 4.0 in my graduate degree program. I think if I'd gotten a B in one of my graduate classes, I would have kicked someone's ass.
67. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get done with this post.
68. I can't sing.
69. I used to play the flute from the 5th grade up until I graduated high school. Oh and I played the French Horn my sophomore year because we needed more French Horn players that year.
70. I like broccoli.
71. I'm allergic to cats, penicillin, sulfa and exercise.
72. I'm bow-legged, and yes it looks absolutely ridiculous.
73. My books and DVDs are alphabetized on the shelves. This can cause quite a bit of work when I have to put a new one somewhere in the middle.
74. I hate onions and chunks of tomatoes and peppers in stuff.
75. I used to think that a janitor was an "eleanor" because the janitor at my elementary school was named Eleanor.
76. Bugs creep me out.
77. I've been to Canada, but never to Mexico.
78. I've had asthma since I was young. I don't have many problems with it now, but my asthma was pretty bad from about age 14-28. I was always stubborn about taking my daily medication until my doctor scared me into it. Did you know that for every year you don't have your asthma under control you lose one ounce of lung capacity?!?! She told me, "You know, Kerry, not all of those old people walking around with oxygen tanks were smokers. Some of them had asthma that they never controlled." Yikes!
79. I'm a non-smoker. Duh.
80. I have an uncanny memory. I can remember perfectly useless information. Not even any good stuff that could win me money on Jeopardy. I still remember the phone number of the first boy I had a crush on in the 6th grade. And, I still remember the answers to a history quiz in the 8th grade about the Revolutionary War.
81. That said, I can never remember to take my vitamins.
82. I am not double-jointed.
83. I know how to drive a manual transmission.
84. My original major in college was history until I freaked out because people kept asking me, "What are you going to do with a history degree?" That said, I really enjoy history, especially European history and the history of the Holocaust.
85. I'm related to Jake Busey (Gary Busey's son). He's my mom's cousin. That makes him my 1st cousin once removed or my 2nd cousin or my 1st second cousin twice removed or something like that. Jake has been in movies like: Home Fries, Contact, Twister, The Frighteners, Starship Troopers and Identity.
86. I like playing all those silly board games that nobody likes to play.
87. I get my sarcastic wit from my mother and my brother. I think my brother should start a blog. It would be hilarious!
88. I've eaten a Milkbone dog treat before.
89. I'm not afraid of heights at all. In fact, my parents have several pictures of me on the top of a mountain standing on the farthest edge of a rock looking down.
90. I can still do a cartwheel and most likely a front handspring. Just don't ask to see a back handspring unless you want to see me crack my head open and all of my brains squish out.
91. I've been a bridesmaid four times and never a bride. I don't have a problem with that either.
92. I love peanut butter.
93. Olivia is my favorite baby.
94. I love thunderstorms. I would love to be a storm chaser (as long as it was someone else's car getting hailed on).
95. I wonder if anyone is still reading this.
96. I doubt I would still be reading this if I wasn't the one typing it.
97. I still owe about $17,000 in student loans.
98. I prefer Letterman over Leno.
99. I can type about 70 words a minute.
100. I can be really absent-minded sometimes.
101. I got a boob job when I was 25.

Phew. Finally. 101 random, completely unnecessary things you didn't need to know about me. If you made it to the end, you're probably still trying to figure out if I was serious about the last one. Hehe.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

She keeps going and going and...




Jodi is really amazing. Really. Even her doc says so! Check out her post about being diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. I know we can all complain from time to time about being tired or not having enough energy to do the things we want to do, but Jodi has really been struggling with this for a long time (and still amazingly seems to do a lot). I just made this little "button" to put on my blog to show my support for her and her journey towards feeling better. Feel free to copy it and put it on your own blog. Maybe when she sees it, she will be reminded of all of us who are wishing her a speedy recovery.

*I do believe this is my 100th post! I will do the random facts about myself for the 101st.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm Still Not Working (and other musings)

It's raining posts today on Just Bailey and Me. Get out your umbrellas. Maybe I'll do some more to fill my quota for the week month year. Little Miss Sunshine State did this on her blog today so I shamelessly stole it. She called it "Meme Monday: A to Z" but since I don't know what "Meme" means (Oh. I just "googled" it: http://thedailymeme.com/what-is-a-meme/) I'm calling it: Kerry's silliness from A to Z:


Accent: British. Okay, not really, but I wish. Although, if Madonna can do it, why can’t I?

Breakfast: I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. I’m fat. Spare me the “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” speech. One missed breakfast won’t kill me. Trust me.

Chore: I don’t believe in them.

Dog or Cat: Dog. Her name is Bailey. And she’s my fave.

Essential Electronic: Computer. How else would I check blogs type my reports for work?

Favorite Cologne: Not sure really. Andrew wears Axe body spray and it’s lovely.

Gold or Silver: Which one is worth more in today’s economy??? Silver for jewelry, though.

Handbag: I just bought a new Fossil one! When did I switch from being a girl who loathed carrying even a wallet (and frequently left it everywhere she went) to a girl who enjoys spending too much money on a name brand handbag? And, when did I start calling it a handbag instead of a purse?!?!

Insomnia: Never had a problem with it (knock on wood) except when tweaking my meds. I got off of Zoloft (Or was it Abilify?) so fast it made my doc’s head spin. Nothing messes with MY sleep!

Job Title: Queen. Well, in a past life at least. Or maybe that was a dream I had once. Okay, so really I’m a CSO—court services officer. I’m pretty important.

Kids: None, unless you count my dog and my boyfriend.

Living Arrangement: With my parents. Yes, I’m 30 and live with my parents again. Don’t knock it until you try it!

Most Admirable Trait: My ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Naughtiest Childhood Habit: Probably having the messiest room on the face of the planet. I swear I always knew where everything was though!!

Overnight Hospital Stay: Two weeks when I was three—Roto virus my mom thinks, although the doctors never knew for sure. I still remember bits and pieces, although I don’t remember being deathly ill, thank goodness.

Phobia: Really, really, really deep water. AUGH!!!!

Quote: “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Dr. Seuss

Reason To Smile: Oh there are plenty. The world is just peachy.

Siblings: One older brother: Josh (AKA the funniest brother on the planet, AKA Slosh—you’ll have to ask his friends about that one)

Time To Wake Up: Too damn early

Unusual Talent: Waiting until the last possible moment to do something and then pulling success out of my ass. Ta da!!!!

Vegetable I refuse to eat: All of them. Okay, okay, not really. I can’t stand onions. I’d rather eat dirt.

Worst Habit: Waiting until the last possible moment to do something and then pulling success out of my ass.

X-rays: Broken fingers, raspy lungs and teeth

Yummy Stuff: Peanut butter, cheese, onions (just checking to see if you were paying attention), chocolate, Panera, Logan’s Steakhouse, Taco Tico

Zoo Animal I Like The Most: Giraffe—there’s just something about them. Almost magical (don’t you think Olivia?).

Post #97!!

Wow! I just realized I'm almost to my 100th post. What is it that people usually do for their 100th? 100 random facts about myself? Hmm...I'm not sure I'm that interesting. I'll have to see if I can come up with that many tidbits. Oh yeah. I just remembered I'm supposed to be working. Oops.

Not Me! Monday


Okay, so I've been a horrible blogger lately. You'd think with all of the conversations I have with myself in my head I could post about at least one of them once a week or so. I will have to have that discussion with myself sometime soon. Anyway, "Not Me! Monday" is inspired by one of the blogs I've recently discovered that is really fun to read. MckMama is one funny mom of three (soon to be four) adorable babes age 3 and under (yes, I said "age 3 and under"). Every Monday she posts about all of the things that she did not do the previous week. So here's my attempt at brutal dishonesty:

This week I did not give my dogs chew bones all weekend to get them to leave me alone when they got too needy. I certainly wouldn't do that.

This week I definitely did not read an entire book at work. I wouldn't read a novel when I'm supposed to be working. That's crazy!

This week I certainly did not compare my favorite baby of all time, Olivia, to a co-worker's new twins and think to myself, "Olivia is sooo much cuter!" That would be rude.

This week I did not spend hours playing Tomb Raider on Xbox 360. That's kid stuff. I'm definitely more mature than that.

And this weekend I did not actually cook food for me and Andrew instead of eating out. That would be way too domesticated for me. And I was not proud of myself for not doing it.


Okay, well that's all I can think of to not confess. I'm sure there's a bunch of other stuff that I didn't do (like sleep until 11:00 on Sunday morning), but I better get back to work. I wouldn't blog on company time. That's ridiculous.